In our last Coaching Hands-On workshop, Ineke brilliantly heard her client and had three questions ready.
I paused her.
I acknowledged the brilliance of her questions.
And I pointed out something important: by the time the first question was asked, the client had already started thinking. Any comment or question that followed risked disturbing that thinking.
The International Coaching Federation highlights this golden behaviour as part of the PCC markers for the Evokes Awareness competency:
7.6: Coach asks clear, direct, primarily open-ended questions, one at a time, at a pace that allows for thinking, feeling, or reflection by the client.
Ineke reflected and said:
“Okay, fine. But if I choose one question, then I’m making the choice based on what’s important to me — not the client.
Exactly! When the coach makes the choice of direction, we call it leading. And that’s not favorable, because according to the Maintains Presence competency, the client and coach should partner in choosing the direction of the session.
5.3: Coach partners with the client by supporting the client to choose what happens in this session.
So, what do we do?
We invite the client’s choice.
We give back the three points the client expressed, and then we can follow one of these alternatives:
- The Buffet Approach: Lay all the points on the table and ask “What stands out for you here?”
- The Family Approach: Ask “How are these points connected?”
- The Pick-a-Card Approach: Invite “Which one would you like to explore first?”
- The Nosy Neighbor Approach: Confess “I’m especially curious about point 2 – but that’s just me. What feels most useful for you right now?”
Ineke — as smart as she is — understood the options and the reasoning, but was still uneasy:
“What if the conversation continues, and the other questions — which were also important — get forgotten and have no place in the session?”
Another excellent point.
Ineke — as smart as she is — understood the options and the reasoning, but was still uneasy:
“What if the conversation continues, and the other questions — which were also important — get forgotten and have no place in the session?”
And yes, this happens. In any moment, there are always several fantastic inquiries available. The client picks one, and the moment passes. The once-super-important questions go into what I like to call our “Treasure Chest of Brilliant But Unused Questions.”
They rest there. Maybe the moment comes when one of them becomes relevant again. Maybe not. Either way, coaching has moved on, and we are present with the possibilities in this new moment.
This is what coaching presence is about.
Thanks to Ineke — and to all the participants who got their hands dirty in Coaching Hands-On — we learned a lot!
If you’d like to practice this too, join us for the next Coaching Hands-On. Register here.
— Isil Uysal Calvelli (Co-Founder & Trainer, BeCoach Academy)